
The Doomsday Bag, by Michael Avallone (Signet, 1969).
Cover illustration by Shannon Stirnweis.











Lust Is No Lady (aka The Brutal Kook), is one of the stronger entries in the Noon series. Just incidentally, it marks the end of what might be called Noon’s “more traditional detective mystery” period. After that, starting with … [1967’s The] February Doll Murders, Noon became more of a globe-trotting quasi-superspy (reporting directly to the President of the United States for certain cases), clearly influenced by the James Bond/spy craze that was casting a shadow over everything in those days. The plots and characters got progressively wilder--not necessarily less entertaining, mind you, but nevertheless a departure from the direction of the series as it started a decade-plus earlier.I wish I had as much information to share about the captivating but odd (why is the nude, staked-out maiden here missing her nipples?) cover of Lust Is No Lady, but I don’t find its artwork credited anywhere on the Web. And I don’t happen to own a copy of this Avallone book, so I can’t look to see if the illustrator is mentioned on the back cover or inside someplace.
Not that Lust (nor most of the Noon books, for that matter) is lacking in wild plot twists or distinctive characters either. Start with being air-bombed by bricks out in the wilds of remote Wyoming; mix in a nude deaf mute Indian maiden found staked out in the desert and left for vulture bait; add in a blind old Indian man (the maid’s father) tortured to death and his corpse found hanging by the neck; season with a hidden stash of gold, a cast of men and women (all quite lovely, just incidentally) living secretly in a ghost town-like camp, and top off the whole works with a psychotic dwarf. Propel it all along in Avallone’s energetic, somewhat quirky--yet always compelling, in the sense of making you want to keep turning the pages--writing style, and you have a corker of a tale. The mystery of the lost gold is solved in a basic, but still rather clever manner, and the final denouement where the psycho dwarf “gets his” is quite satisfactory. A bit of a change of pace for Noon, as far as setting, though still satisfying as a tried-and-true P.I. yarn.



Avallone has published some 190 novels in the past four decades, nearly all of them paperback originals: P.I. tales, Gothics, TV and film novelizations, juveniles, soft-core porn, espionage thrillers. He is also the holder of unconventional opinions on any number of topics, a zealous old-movie buff, a tireless self-promoter and letter writer, and his own greatest fan. Francis M. Nevins, in his profile of Avallone in Twentieth Century Crime and Mystery Writers, calls him “a true auteur, with a unique personality discernible throughout his work,” and goes on to state, “Whatever else might be said about Avallone, one must say what Casper Gutman said to [Sam] Spade in The Maltese Falcon: ‘By Gad, sir, you’re a character, that you are!’”Born in New York City in 1924, Avallone served with the U.S. Army during and after World War II, and was a stationary salesman and the editor of men’s magazines before making a career of fiction-writing. He saw his first novel published in 1953: The Tall Dolores, which not only starred “the Shapeliest Amazon in the World,” “a regular Empire State Building of female feminine dame,” but introduced the protagonist for which Avallone is best remembered, Manhattan gumshoe (and, eventually, investigator for the president of the United States) Ed Noon. “On the one hand,” says Pronzini, “Noon is a standard tough, wisecracking op with a taste for copious bloodletting and a Spillane-type hatred of Communists, dissidents, hippies, pacifists, militant blacks, liberated women, and anyone or anything else of a liberal cant. On the other hand, he is a distinctly if eccentrically drawn character who loves baseball, old movies, and dumb jokes, and who
gets himself mixed up with some of the most improbable individuals ever committed to paper.” Such as the aforementioned Tall Dolores, or the 440-pound female mattress tester who escorted him into trouble in The Case of the Bouncing Betty (1956).Ed Noon is the least sexually arrogant private eye in mystery history. When the heroine tells him she finds him attractive, he is almost pathetically grateful. He goes on to share with the reader his almost unbearable loneliness. He conveys a sense of being blest by the heroine’s attentions. This human quality is extremely refreshing. It is part of the way Avallone’s characters talk about fundamental human needs.And then there’s that criticism made by The Independent, about Avallone causing “grievous bodily harm” to the English language. Indeed, examples of his ungrammatical, frequently illogical prose stylings and his fondness for mangled or downright weird metaphors--his “Noonisms,” as they’re known nowadays--have been rich sources of humor over the years. From Assassins Don’t Die in Bed (1968): “His thin mustache was neatly placed between a peaked nose and two eyes like black marbles.” From The Horrible Man (1968): “She ... unearthed one of her fantastic breasts from the folds of her sheath skirt.” In its own obituary of Avallone, The New York Times cited this gem: “The footsteps didn’t walk right in. They stopped outside the door and knocked.” And it’s hard not to groan at a line such as “The whites of his eyes came up in their sockets like moons over an oasis lined with palm trees.”
Avallone breaks from mystery history in a number of ways. While [fictional] private eyes tend to be poor, their work regularly brings them into contact with the rich and upper crust ... Not in Crazy. Ed Noon spends the entire book among characters of working-class origin. Even though the cowboy [character] is now a well-to-do gangster, his poor Texas origins are conspicuous. Much of the book is set within a few blocks of Noon’s office, in a series of near-slum locations occupied by the working poor, Noon among them. Oddly, this helps the emotional sincerity of the book. The book is about people who represent [the] emotional needs of Noon. It is not about social snobbery, or attempts to join the rich. The people in it seem even more accurate as emotional figures, because they are not carrying the burden of fantasies of wealth.
My father got up every morning around seven a.m. He would walk to the local coffee shop and have a cup or two with the hoi polloi. He would return home before 9:30 a.m. and sit at “the machine.” The late industrial revolution sound effect of a manual typewriter would then start up. It would go, with very few pauses longer than a minute, until someone brought him a sandwich, or reminded him to eat. When I would come home from school, he would finish whatever sentence he was in the middle of and we’d play catch for an hour. Then back to the machine. Until dinner. If he was enjoying himself a lot, or had a deadline, he would go back to the machine and write until nine, ten at night. If he didn’t have a book or story to write, he’d knock out essays or spend the day writing letters. Hundreds of thousands of letters.The Voodoo Murders--number nine among Avallone’s almost four dozen Noon novels--probably isn’t the best or the worst of the bunch. But it certainly boasts a most eye-catching cover. A crazily dancing young woman in a bikini and beads. A voodoo doll bristling with pins. A spooky carved head and a native drum. What about that jacket doesn’t say “you’ve got to read this story to believe it”?
He did this five or six days a week for something like fifty years. The result was not always literature, but sometimes it was. Whatever the case it was always readable and never, ever dull. In this way he wrote around 200 novels, of which at least 170 of them saw print in his lifetime (I counted the ones on the shelf this afternoon).

commercial artist himself and author of the blog Today’s Inspiration, Hooks explained that Eisenhower- and Kennedy-era publishers were finally turning away from more lurid, “come on” covers that drew readers in (but didn’t necessarily reflect a book’s contents) to jacket illustrations that offered a more honest interpretation of whatever yarn was to be found inside. He welcomed the change. “The ... problem, aside from the constant aim of trying to make a good picture, is to find an original picture device that is inspired by the subject,” Hooks told Peng. “This could be an unusual bit of action taken from the story, unrealistic use of color to emphasize a mood, or interesting props or background used as a strong part of the design.” It seems he used all of those tricks for the Voodoo Murders front.
by Ross Macdonald (shown on the right). It was that cover to which freelance illustrator Jeff Wong referred when creating the jacket for The Archer Files, an excellent collection of Macdonald’s private eye Lew Archer short stories and story fragments, edited by Tom Nolan and published by Crippen & Landru in 2007.
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